I’ve lost count of the amount of clients I have seen that have told me their open relationship didn’t work.

We just couldn’t agree on boundaries…

She wanted it more than me…

I was too jealous…

We didn’t communicate enough…

And so it all falls apart.

My own journey into an open relationship started off all wrong. I was broken from an abusive relationship I had just left, and although outwardly I was jumping with joy from my new found freedom, inwardly I was still in tatters, my self worth and self esteem squashed. So, naturally, as I journeyed into the world of swinging with my partner at the time, it was all a bit of a facade, and the cracks soon began to show themselves.

I was insanely jealous. Those red hot feelings ate me up some days, it was all I could focus on. My partner was the total opposite, and when those pangs of jealousy did come up for him from time to time, he was able to morph it into pride and an ego boost, that I still chose him even if I was having fun with someone else. We were on totally different trajectories, and moving further and further away from each other.

And despite the fact that he told me he was proud I was his wife, and that I was everything he could dream of in a partner, at my core, I just didn’t believe it. I didn’t feel good enough. I was with another man who wanted something else, somebody else, and not just me.

It’s not just about what non-monogamy looks like further down the line that needs careful consideration, it’s the first steps into it that are, in my opinion, the most important part of it all. If the foundations are not laid right, the rest will be like a house of cards.